MAN LOGIC

By Johanne James

Good day to you my dear reader and how are you? How is Blackpool this time of year? I must come and visit and thank you for taking the time to read my columns. After lockdown!

Now, let’s talk about man logic. That’s what I said. Man logic. To be honest I didn’t know that we had any? When you consider some of the things we have done, I would say that we were absent of any logic indeed!

Examples:
Industrialisation. Globalisation. Environmental degradation. Dehumanisation. Nuclear proliferation. Two senseless world wars and the countless wars in between. Global warming and let’s not forget, religious extremism! Doesn’t sound very logical to me! My grandmother told me many years ago that you do not sh** in your own backyard. So what was the alternative? Do it in someone else’s? I should think not! A feminist once said that all men were good for rearing children and moving heavy objects! She forgot that we’re pretty good at blowing things up too! That doesn’t belittle the achievements, but one must ask the question, at what cost? I didn’t see the point of going to the moon. There you are sitting on top of what is basically a giant missile just waiting to hurtle you into oblivion, and it did, didn’t it? Remember? What a waste of time, money and resources as we will never be able to live up there in space in spite of their efforts. Satellites are a much safer bet. Tell it where to go and what to do. But it is fascinating. The day we put a man on Mars, well I can’t imagine, can you? Whomever gets there first will be claiming rights to the planet, then the expedition begins looking for minerals that can be used here on earth, and the whole saga starts all over again! Mars is now in dispute between the super powers. Those poor Martians won’t know what’s hit them. I can hear them already, what are they doing here, you mean they’ve come all this way to continue what they’re doing on earth? Doesn’t sound very logical to me! We’re doomed! You’ve all seen Avatar? Spending vast amounts of money to steal the resources from another planet and kill the indigenous population! Perfectly logical if you’re the mining company and totally illogical if you’re a member of the population at one with the environment!

Now let’s not get all doomed and gloomy, there is an upside to this and that is to live in a matriarchal society and let’s see if they can do a better job. We all know the difference between male and female logic? Yes, I thought so. Many times we have said to ourselves, men that is, what the blazers did you do that for? I would never have thought of that! Look at what you have done! That was my favourite Porsche! What made you think that I wanted it painted lilac? With a toothbrush? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus and never the twain shall meet. I could go on and on and on but I think you know what I’m talking about. It’s like teaching the captain of the Titanic to row a boat. Iceberg ahead! All I can say that what ever side of the fence you’re on, please stay there and do not interfere, stand back and observe and ask yourself, what the …?

Good luck. You’ll need it as logic for me is certainly not logic for you. Maybe we should just have our own planets? Planet Man. Planet Woman. But then they’d be asking us to come and fix stuff? And we’d be asking them how to use a washing machine! Bollocks! Doesn’t sound logical to me!

Thanks for listening.

Johanne James

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